Isaiah 54:11
O thou afflicted, tossed with tempest, and not comforted, behold, I will lay thy stones with fair colors, and lay thy foundations with sapphires.
"...O Jesus, thou Son of God, have mercy on me, who am in the gall of bitterness, and am encircled about by the everlasting chains of death....
I have felt this way.
I can promise you that the Lord is always there.
Call out to Him.
And oh, what joy, and what marvelous light I did behold; yea, my soul was filled with joy as exceeding as was my pain!
Yea, I say unto you...that there could be nothing so exquisite and so bitter as were my pains. Yea, and again I say unto you...that...there can be nothing so exquisite and sweet as was my joy."
~Alma 36:18-21
There have been several times, even years of my life where I felt without hope-drowning in the despair of depression.
But I can testify that the God lives.
He Loves Each of His children.
When the bitterness seems to be too much and the heart ache is too deep, please turn to our Savior Jesus Christ! The relief will not necessarily be immediate, but it will come.
Jesus Christ knows You.
He is there when no one else can be. He can't always take the hurting away, but He can help you through.
I love this quote from Brad Wilcox's talk "His Grace is Sufficient"
"Grace is not a booster engine that kicks in once our fuel supply is exhausted. Rather, it is our constant energy source. It is not the light at the end of the tunnel, but the light that moves us through the tunnel. Grace is not achieved somehwere down the road. It is received right here and right now. It is not a finishing touch, it is the Finisher's touch....
As dark as night may become, we can always count on the sun coming up."
I also love this scripture form the New Testament:
Luke 11:33-36
"33 No man, when he hath lighted a candle, putteth it in a secret place, neither under a bushel, but on a candlestick, that they which come in may see the light.
34 The light of the body is the eye: therefore when thine eye is single, thy whole body also is full of light; but when thine eye is evil, thy body also is full of darkness.
35 Take heed therefore that the light which is in thee be not darkness.
36 If thy whole body therefore be full of light, having no part dark, the whole shall be full of light, as when the bright shining of a candle doth give thee light."
I have always always ALWAYS(!!!) loved the Earth! If you don't believe me, just ask my friends and family ;-) I'm always going on and on about trees and plants all over this beautiful earth! And green has been my favorite color since I was about 12 when I decided that I was a tree hugger :-D
To go right along with that, I have always loved Science-especially Biology. I remember when I took AP Chemistry and AP Biology my junior year in High School I felt, first of all overwhelmed, but second of all amazed at the complexity of the world's complex design. It was hard for me to understand how many of the people began to doubt God with the more knowledge they gained. For me, it was exactly the opposite!
With everything I learned from biochemical reactions in microscopic mitochondria to leaves changing color in the Fall, every added ounce of knowledge made me more and more sure that God is real, that He lives, and that He designed this sacred earth for us! What a stellar gift!
With spring already come and gone (for the most part), I wanted to add my testimony to that of the prophet Alma as He testified to Korihor in Alma 30:43&44
"And now Korihor said unto Alma: If thou wilt show me a sign, that I may be convinced that there is a God, yea, show unto me that he hath power, and then will I be convinced of the truth of thy words.
But Alma said unto him: Thou hast had signs enough; will ye tempt your God? Will ye say, Show unto me a sign, when ye have the testimony of all these thy brethren, and also all the holy prophets? The scriptures are laid before thee, yea, and all things denote there is a God; yea, even the earth, and all things that are upon the face of it, yea, and its motion, yea, and also all the planets which move in their regular form do witness that there is a Supreme Creator."
I know that God lives! I see it in every tree, every leaf, and every creation that was made by His Divine Design. When you are doubting whether or not God is real, look around you and see the beauty that He has made for us. The beauty of the Earth that he's given us so that we may always feel Him near.
One of the many perks of living in the wonderful state of Ohio is that I was able to visit many historical church sites throughout my youth. Nauvoo was one of the amazing places that I grew to know and love well.
When I was going through a really difficult time right before I graduated from High School, I was able to go to Nauvoo for a Youth Conference. I knew that summer would be my last one in my beloved Ohio not only because I would be going away to college, but because my family had fallen apart.
As I visited the places were dedicated early members of the church lived and loved life, I felt such a deep connection to them (come to find out later, that I have ancestors who lived there and crossed the plains in the Exodus West). Learning about what they went through and how much they were willing to sacrifice truly touched my heart. They were willing to leave everything behind because they knew the church was true. They knew what the Lord wanted them to do and they were willing to do it. I felt so strengthened by their amazing example! If they could leave everything behind, so could I.
Before I had been wondering why God was putting me through this, but as I walked the old paths of Nauvoo I realized that I was grateful. The path had been hard and it would only get harder. But I felt renewed in the knowledge that as long as I was following the Lord's path, it would be worth it. That even though it would be a heart wrenching and back breaking trek, that everything would be ok.
Later that summer on our way to Utah, my mom and I stopped in Nauvoo. We saw this statue below of two tender parents helping their young child learning to walk. I realized in that moment that this is exactly like our earthly life. For a brief moment, we are out of the safe embrace of our loving Heavenly Father and Mother. But they are there waiting to catch us! Learning to walk through all of the trials of this life if not easy, but it was not designed to be easy. It may seem like a punishment from God at times. But in reality, these tests are an everlasting witness of His undying love for us. He loves us enough to let us learn. He loves us enough to let us fall. And He loves us enough to never leave our side.
"Yes, my fretting,
Frowning child,
I could cross
The room to you
More easily.
But I’ve already
Learned to walk,
So I make you
Come to me.
Let go now
There!
You see?
Oh, remember
This simple lesson,
Child,
And when
In later years
You cry out
With tight fists
And tears
“Oh, help me,
God—please.”
Just listen
And you’ll hear
A silent voice:
“I would, child,
I would.
But it’s you,
Not I,
Who needs to try
Godhood.”"
This poem was shared by someone that I really look up to and who understands a lot of what I've been through. I had to share it as well! It goes along perfectly with the feelings I've had and the point that I've tried to articulate.
I know that as we learn to walk in this life that we will be made pure as we learn Godliness.
Again, it won't be easy. But it will be worth it. And when we make it back to our loving Father's arms, white and pure like Him, we will thank Him for giving us the journey. The journey that helped us learn and grow.
During this Easter Season I am reminded again of how grateful I am for my Savior, Jesus Christ. He truly lived, suffered, died, and rose again For Us. What an amazing miracle!
And lo, he shall suffer temptations, and pain of body, hunger, thirst, and fatigue, even more than man can suffer, except it be unto death; for behold,blood cometh from every pore, so great shall be his anguish for the wickedness and the abominations of his people.
Mosiah 3:7
I'd like to share a journal entry from 8-14-12, a time that really helped me to understand that the Savior really understands me perfectly. That He suffered more than I can comprehend and He suffered specifically for me and specifically for you.
"I can't quite explain how it feels to be betrayed. Father...the man who brought me to this earth and for a time loved me in word and deed...until it all became a show that he didn't know was performing through his body. He had rehearsed the lines and practiced the motions so many times that the script became his reality. He couldn't even realize that behind the set stage was an empty room. All of the actors and props had been laid out for the audience to see; but behind it all, where his real fans waited on the sidelines he left nothing...nothing but an
empty room.
"Great Show!"
audience members say as they walk out and new ones excitedly rush in. But we stand there feeling numb; drowning in the hypocrisy and facade. Even though we want to strangle to stand in wife and children...we just stand and smile...nodding.
"Yes" we say through hollow throats throbbing as they fill with blood.
"Yes" this time with a gurgle.
"It's just great..."
But as countless audiences marvel at this spectacular man our bodies slowly fill with the blood of betrayal. Our capillaries, veins, arteries, vena cava, ventricles, aorta, and our entire heart burst with a sudden pulse...and then we know... me must leave--but it seems too late as the blood fills our body and starts to leak.
Out of Ever Pore.
But while we're dripping and covered in the crimson drops of agony the audience passes by and says
"Great Show!" with even more vigor than before.
It seems like an eternity that we stand there bleeding, but no one can see. Our blood is invisible even as it stains-her soul-my soul-everything.
But the He comes.
When He walks up to us I see that He is--
Bleeding from Every Pore.
Just like her.
Just like me.
And He too is invisible to the audience.
Only those who Bleed at Every Pore can see Him.
But even as He drips with crimson pain, His clothes are White and He says,
"Come, Follow me",
softly, as He bleeds and bleeds. Just like her-just like me. And I see scarlet tears seep from His eyes because He Bled from Every Pore and understands her and me. And I feel my own red tears fall because He came.
He finally came.
As He leads us out of that hollow theater, the audience gasps in shock.
"How could you leave?! It's such a great show!"
"Yes" we say and bleed and bleed, He, She, and Me,
"Yes, but that's what it is--a show"
And we walk away, their burning eyes bore into our bleeding backs but all they see are fools when they view the wise. And most of all they fail to see the bleeding man in pure White leading us step by step.
Because only they that Bleed from Every Pore can see this man.
She and me. We follow Him.
Because He cried for us and bleeds for us.
And as we leave our clothes turn white, just like His.
He set us free and we never have to go back to that empty room if we follow Him.
He lives and He loves us. I know it. I have felt His presence in my life. When I never thought I could feel ok again, He led me back to the light. I know that He can and is waiting to do the same for each and every one of us if we will just heed His call to us "Come, Follow Me".
In this Easter season, may we remember Him and all that He has done for us.
When I think of fair colors, another thing that comes to mind is art. I LOVE ART!!! In almost every form or medium, I just love it <3 There are so many tints and hues of paint; there are so many different pencils, charcoals, pastels, chalks, and clays! So many mediums! So many possible forms of expression.
As I thought of art in a gospel sense I felt that each of us are very much like a painting. We start pure and white. A blank canvas ready to be transformed! At first the brushes of paint may seem like fatal strokes that destroy the once pure fabric stretched tight on that wood frame. But as we put our lives in the master painter's hands He helps us become greater and grander than we were before. Some of the dark paints may seem like stains that ruin the picture. But what they truly add is depth and emotive motion! As Jane Eyre says "You need the shadows to appreciate and see the light". I know that as we put our lives into the hands of the master painter, our Heavenly Father, that He will help us go from static to dynamic! The process might seem staining and it is difficult at times, but we will be so much better off in the end.
"For it must needs be, that there is an opposition in all things. If not so...righteousness could not be brought to pass, neither wickedness, neither holiness nor misery,neither good nor bad. Wherefore, all things must needs be compound in one" 2 Nephi 2:11 Here is some of my art :-)
For those of you who have been bullied or are being bullied right now, you're not alone.
If you are someone who bullies others, Stop It.
We each have such an immense impact on those around us. The Power of One is real and we have the option to either use it for good or bad.
For some reason through out my life people have loved bullying me. Once again, at first I could not understand why God would let that happen to me. How could He allow His other children to abuse me so deeply? But I soon realized that some trials are not from God. He has given us the gift of agency (or the ability to choose) and He will not take that away from us. He could not control how others treated me. But over the years I have been so grateful for the hardships I went through. I grew so much closer to my Savior as I overcame extreme insecurities. He of all people I knew understood such brutal emotional abuse. He said in the New Testament:
"18 If the world hate you, ye know that it hated me beforeit hated you.
19 If ye were of the world, the world would love his own: but because ye are not of the world, but I have chosen you out of the world, therefore the world hateth you.
20 Remember the word that I said unto you, The servant is not greater than his lord. If they have persecuted me, they will also persecute you; if they have kept my saying, they will keep yours also.
21 But all these things will they do unto you for my name’s sake, because they know not him that sent me."
(John 15:18-21)
For those of you are struggling with this same trial I want to testify to you that your Father in Heaven loves you and that you are never ever alone! Don't let anyone let you believe any different. The only opinion that matters is yours and God's. Please love yourself because the greatest being in all the world, the Savior Jesus Christ, loves you. You are worth the life of a God. Our Savior Jesus Christ would die just for you. He would have died just for me. Please never feel that you are alone!
